Schadenfreude
by Lazy Eyes Conway
Summary: All work and no play makes Spike a dull dragon.


Disclaimer: I hold no rights to My Little Pony or Avenue Q. They each belong to their respect copyright holders. This is also a work of fiction. None of this is likely to ever happen in the actual show.

It had happened again. Twilight and her friends had dropped everything to run off on some dangerous errand for Princess Celestia and left Spike in charge of the cleaning up the mess they left in their wake. Normally, this would be fine and Spike would do it without complaint, but today he was supposed to be hanging out with Snips and Snails. Twilight, however, had ordered Spike to not leave the library until she and her friends returned, leaving Spike to clean up and be very cross about the whole situation.

Suddenly, there was a loud crashing noise just outside the library entrance, followed by a cry of "My Bad". Rolling his eyes, Spike paused from his work to let Derpy, the town's favorite Mailmare, into the library. This was a common occurrence when it came to Derpy Hooves. In fact the only things that were more prominent about Derpy than her clumsiness were her eyes, her inability to follow directions, and her love of muffins. As such, all of Ponyville had long since prepared their homes for Derpy's daily deliveries. The homes had mild shields on them the prevent most damages Derpy could cause, packages Derpy delivered had prepaid labels on them so that ponies who received packages they didn't order could reship the package for free, and every household had an emergency supply of Derpy muffins, to reward the grey Pegasus for her work.

Dropping a package that was clear marked for Canterlot on the Twilight's writing podium, Derpy turned to Spike. "Thanks, Spike. I guess I botched my landing again.", she said with a laugh. Spike stepped into the kitchen for a moment and returned with a double chocolate chip muffin, which he tossed to Derpy. As Derpy caught it in her mouth, Spike chuckled at the look of glee on her face. "That fine." Sighed Spike, as he turned to get back to his work. Before he could though, Derpy stopped him. "Are you doing alright, Spike?" Derpy asked.

"It's just that, when even a power hungry god shows up or a rare magical ailment occurs, Twilight and her friends always drop everything and expect me to clean up after them. And, because of all these adventures they run off on, I have to give up on things that I want to do in order do Twilight's job while she's out." Said Spike. Derpy put a hoof on Spike's shoulder. "Spike, let me tell you something." Derpy began and a piano could magically be heard in the background.

(Cue Schadenfreude from Avenue Q)

Derpy: Right now you are down and out and feeling really crappy.

Spike: I'll say.

Derpy: And when I see how sad you are, it sort of makes me...Happy!

Spike: Happy?!

Derpy: Sorry, Spikey, pony nature- Nothing I can do! It's... Schadenfreude!

Making me feel glad that I'm not you.

Spike: Well that's not very nice, Derpy!

Derpy: I didn't say it was nice! But everybody does it!

D'ja ever clap when a waitress falls and drops a tray of glasses?

Spike: Yeah...

Derpy: And ain't it fun to watch figure skaters falling on their asses?

Spike: Sure!

Derpy: And don'tcha feel all warm and cozy, Watching people out in the rain!

Spike: You bet!

Derpy: That's...

Derpy and Spike: Schadenfreude!

Derpy: Ponies taking pleasure in your pain!

Spike: Oh, Schadenfreude, huh? What's that, some kinda Nazi word?

Derpy: Yup! It's Germane for "happiness at the misfortune of others!"

Spike: "Happiness at the misfortune of others." That is Germane!

Watching a vegetarian being told she just ate chicken!

Derpy: Or watching a frat colt realize just what he put his dick in!

Spike: Being on the elevator when somepony shouts "Hold the door!"

Derpy and Spike:"No!"

Schadenfreude!

Derpy: "Fuck you lady, that's what stairs are for!"

Spike: Ooh, how about... Straight-A students getting Bs?

Derpy: Exes getting STDs!

Spike: Waking doorcolts from their naps!

Derpy: Watching tourists reading maps!

Spike: Hoofball players getting tackled!

Derpy: CEOs getting shackled!

Spike: Watching actors never reach

Derpy and Spike: The ending of their Oscar speech!

Schadenfreude!

Schadenfreude!

Schadenfreude!

Schadenfreude!

Derpy: The world needs people like you and me who've been knocked around by fate.

'Cause when people see us, they don't want to be us, and that makes them feel great.

Spike: Sure! We provide a vital service to society!

Derpy and Spike: You and me!

Schadenfreude!

Making the world a better place...

Making the world a better place...

Making the world a better place...

To be!

Derpy: S-C-H-A-D-E-N-F-R-E-U-D-E!

The Pegasus and the dragon laughed as they concluded their song. "See, Spike. You are doing a great job in your own right. While you may not always get the respect you may want, you are still helping others by simply being yourself." Said Derpy, with grin. "I hear what others say about me when they think I can't hear. I know my eyes make me look funny. I know I'm accident prone and that my accidents tend to spread. I especially know that reaching my destination is almost impossible for me. But I keep trying, and my constant effort encourages others to do the same. Though between you and me, the muffins are a huge incentive to keep failing." Derpy concluded with a chuckle.

With her song sung and a laugh being had with the young dragon, Derpy gave Spike a pat on the back for all his hard work, before continuing on her. Spike, his spirits raised, decided to bring about some Schadenfreude of his own. He leaving a note on the door for Twilight and closing up the library, Spike left to have fun with his friends. He only wished he could be there to see the look on Twilight's face when she had to clean up the library herself.


End file.
